Thursday, March 12, 2009

The Joke Is On Me

Tonight I went to a friend/neighbor's house for a lively game of Bunco (more on this later!). Within the large group of women we exchanged the typical greetings (Hi, my name is X. How do you know CCR/hostess?). It just so happens that I know "CCR" because her sister is the adoptive mom to two daughters were adopted from China...and said sister introduced me to her to her sister, CCR.

While at this particular table, two of the women asked me, "Let me ask you, since you adopted do you find yourself weirdly into Chinese culture...I mean...CCR's sister is so into *it* that she actually had her daughters in Chinese language classes!"

Laughter follows.

"And all of those Chinese dresses.  Did you buy a whole bunch of those?  CCR's sister bought like, one in every size!"

Chuckle.  Chuckle.

How ridiculous.


I just want to plan Bunco. Whatever that is.

So, I very lightheartedly explain that yes, when people adopt from China (or any other *foreign* country) that they typically are drawn to that particular country as they love that country because it is the country of their beloved child's/children's birth.  For adoptive families the country (or countries) of their child/children's birth is very special - somewhat like a 'second home country'.

Yes, my daughters love to learn about their Chinese culture/homeland/language. Perhaps not in a structured setting, but let me tell you that Ni hao, Kai Lan is a super-hero in our home!

And yes, I bought silk dresses in every size.  And I still do not think I have enough.

Something happens within the room to grab my table's attention. We are interupted. Thankfully.

I do not have to continue to answer any more questions about China or adoption.

I am just a woman playing some game called Bunco.

And yet, I am annoyed.



JShannon said...

Hmmmmm, I haven't been put into that position yet, to "defend" the fact that I adopted and did it from another country or any other questions of the sort, but I know its coming.

Carey-Life in the Carpool Lane said...

I, too, would feel annoyed. I guess if they asked the questions respectfully but with all the chuckling and their tone they sounded judgmental.

I'm glad there was a diversion and you were able to get back to the game.

I'd love to hear more about Bunco. I've got a friend who plays and I'm wondering if it's something I would like...

Vivian M said...

Hmmm...I always assume positive intent but sometimes I become super sensitive when it comes to my daughter or her birth country and culture.

Kristin said...

Oh Mary, I am so sorry the evening started off on the wrong foot. I hope the rest of the time was fun and uneventful.

How is the "hair project" coming along?

Teresa =) said...

If only they realized how important it is to instill in our children pride in the country of their birth. I don't want Carson to hate China as the place where he was abandoned, I want him to celebrate it as the place where a group of wonderful people cared for him until we could get there to become his Forever Family. He slightly rejected all things Chinese at first but now tells Meggie, "China is cool. You NOT Chinese!" I think it is HYSTERICAL and a great comeback when/if he gets teased for being "different."

I'd play Bunko with you any day and be incredibly jealous of your collection of Chinese dresses!!

Teresa =)

Nicole said...

Annoyed right along with ya! Don't worry, they just don't get it... but I'm sure glad we do!! :o)

Tammie said...

Gee. I'd be annoyed also.

Then again, I am also "wierdly" into that "Chinese stuff." Where the heck do these people get off!? If they are Irish, do they not go crazy with celebration on St. Patrick's Day? Wait. I'll stop right here because I too could go on & on & on.

Margaret M said...

It happens at the oddest moments doesn't it? Sometimes I just want to be another Mom and not have to educate otheres. Bunco would be one of those times for me!

Alyson and Ford said...

I would be annoyed too! I even had a relative forward to lots of people a "Chinese" joke! I mean, do they not have a sensitive bone in their body??

Alyzabeth's Mommy for Six Months!