Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Parent's Job Description

PARENT- Job Description

This is hysterical. If it had been presented this way,
I don't believe any of us would have done it!!!!

POSITION:
Mom, Mommy, Ma, Mama
Dad, Daddy, Pa, Baba

JOB DESCRIPTION:

Long term, team players needed, for challenging,
permanent work in an
often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication
and organizational skills and be willing to work
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips to
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES:

The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
until someone needs $10.00
Must be
 willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a
pack mule
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
in case, this time, the screams from
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets
and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings
for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be willing to be indispensable one minute,
an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for
the quality of the end
 product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:

None.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills,
so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:

None required unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION:

Get this! You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
of the
 assumption that college will help them
become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more..

BENEFITS:

While no health or dental insurance, no pension,
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
no stock options are offered;
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love,
and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.

Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
letting them know they are appreciated
for the fabulous job they do...
or forward with love
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.

** AND A FOOTNOTE:  THERE IS NO RETIREMENT --------------- EVER


Mary


7 comments:

Carrie said...

ROFLOL

wingepr said...

I love that. I'll have to share that one.

Hope all is well with you and your family.

Candy said...

I love it. I hope it's okay that I copy and put it on my blog.

Kristin said...

Oh, I love this!! Just what I need after a long day. :-)

AZMom said...

LOL

Clint and Jennifer said...

That's adorable and hysterical!
I have enjoyed your blog without commenting for some time. Your writing style is so fun to read- you have a dry wit but a warmth about you too- not an easy combination to have!
Anyway, just thought I'd say hi and I'm glad you're feeling better. Also, I just got a Mac and am still learning how to use it, so if you have any tips for me, I'd love to hear them.
Hope you don't mind if I follow along!
Blessings,
Jennifer

a Tonggu Momma said...

BwwwaaaaHaHaHaHa! And I hate that I have to pay THEM.

Mary, you had me in stitches with your last comment! Miss Congeniality? I may have to steal that nickname for the Tongginator. LOL. And great suggestions - you may remember my maiden name. I am embarrassed to say that my dad is choosing a cheesy play on words with our last name. My momma is rooting for AWOL. I'll let y'all know.